My god’s better than your god (my god harms people more than your god)

Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) is increasingly popular for incorporating the effectiveness of other martial arts forms into one superior style. Maybe god would be considered even more loving and merciful if your religion adapted the most frightening aspects of other religions’ hell? Let’s see:

Upon death, your soul is very painfully stripped from the body by the Angel of Death, starting from the toes with the most painful part being at the shoulders upwards (quran). An angel comes to you and starts hammering your face when you give the wrong answer to ‘who is god? what was your religion etc.’ (Islam hadiths). 

You’re given your preliminary judgment within 40 days (Orthodox Christianity) and you’ll then watch with fear the gates of hell waiting for you (Islam hadiths). An additional torment of seeing followers of the right religion lying in comfort looking at heaven (specifically pearly gates- Protestantism, Catholic theologians) will make this worse. Anyway, it’s too too hard to focus, because scorpions and snakes start biting you in your grave; one bite has enough venom to poison the whole earth (Islam-hadiths). This is all a bit too elaborate; let’s just send them to hell immediately after death (Catholicism). But how are they sent there?

First we need a divine judgment (Zoroastrianism). On this judgment God will be told by satan (Judaism) or two angels that recorded our deeds (Islam) of all the sins of our past life. God will immediately wipe many sins off the record immediately (Judaism), but he does as he wills (quran). Maybe he doesn’t even care what you did, so long as you believed in him (Protestantism). If you didn’t believe in god, then you won’t even be given a hearing and are automatically condemned to hell (Protestantism), but he’s just so he’ll judge based on acts too . It’s said that people reap what they sow (Jainism) which would mean karma- which is unbiased and rational (Buddhism). Noone can say anything in this whole process anyway even if we try (quran). This day is so horrible that everyone will abandon their friends, family, anything because the terror is so great (bible, quran). Of course, this may all just be an illusion where the weak-minded fall for these bardos but the wise person sees none of it is real (Tibetan Buddhism).

So you’ve now been sentenced to hell. We may just be born there (Buddhism), travel there on our journey (Tibetan Buddhism), or walk to hell (Christianity) in ranks and files with chains around our necks (quran) like slaves. Hell’s beneath the earth (Buddhism), so we could be thrown off bridges that go over hell (zoroastrainism; Islam hadiths) while the righteous walk over the bridge to heaven. What a lovely god of love (bible) who is most merciful (quran) and just (Torah). Weep and gnash your teeth as much as you will (bible) because no mercy will be shown to you (bible); in fact, the penalty will be increased for weeping (quran).