Notes

BOOK QUOTES

• The intolerance of the anti-racist racists should be intolerable. They’re almost as intolerable as the totalitarian neo-fascist autonyms they’re protecting. OR the intolerance of the anti-racist racists is intolerable. The’re almost as intolerable as the Muslim fundamentalists they’re cosseting. OR the west is terribly intolerant to the Muslim world. It’s almost as intolerant as the Muslim world itself!
• I never believed in the value marriage or children. I’ve felt this way the past few years of my life.
• Hypocritically accuses others of hypocrisy. The hypocrit!

DREAMS

4 October 2010- Again I wake up from a nightmare. Moving backward, I see terrifying alien-like terminators. They’re enormous- the height of dinosaurs- and resemble humans, but their heads are elongated (from: History channel story of aliens and elongated heads in Peru). I saw the termintors craft drift down toward China (the US seemed to be in China) but floated down to Korea. On landing, they got out and immediately, indiscriminately started killing by way of running somewhat clumsily as giants. My things were in a hotel nearby, and I was frozen thinking what to take. I went to the shelter of the refugees, but now it’s mostly abandoned. I see my bag there, pick it up, and wonder if I’m too late… I move to the tunnel. We’re being followed by a car with 2-3 men, looking Pakistani. At my suggestion we slow down, letting them overtake us. Got ‘em. Then as the tunnel swerves right I see those men casually standing outisde. They’re unconcerned with the chaos. The see us, seem prepared to shoot, but don’t. The space giants will get us so they’re not concerned.

Before this all, I was training martial arts in the desert. I didn’t have appropriate clothes. From somewhere I got some, turned up the coach, and was reluctantly allowed to start. I thought to myself how can one person join when all training is done in pairs?

3 October 2010- Landed in Canada from Israel. Bangladeshi taxi driver picks me up. Asks if I want $7 the previous passenger left behind; I say other things I can take, but money? Isn’t that useful for you? Friendly guy. The $7 was Australian gold $2 & $1 coins. Half way to friend’s place (probably Y.A.), he pulls over and asks me to do him a favour. He’ll charge me the full fare of $10-11 but I can use the money he gave me. Ok. He talks to a Muslim friend; it’s a bit like a petrol station where we’re at. He says he can’t be seen taking me directly, so to walk a bit down the road on the opposite side and he’ll pick me up. I oblige. Waiting, he rushes past me in an other lane, gives brief eye contact, then seems to be navigating a circle to pick me up. Whilst waiting, two white men in their 20′s passing down the street approach me, give some mocking comment and appear aggressive. I say something back, and the one on the right starts attacking me. I have my large black backpack on. I’ll grab his balls and twist them, like Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s grandmother taught me in Infidel, that’s my own chance, or that the driver returns on time. The attacker has writing tattooed down his left forearm, and tattoos elsewhere too. I wake up. I think to myself if a woman is to be raped, she should twist and destroy her rapist’s testacales, which isn’t hard if she pretends to get into it.

• In a second I felt guilt, then fear, then rebellion, then joy, when I told myself “rejoice in the body, the physical, and marvel”. Religions are apt to condemn ‘this world’ (is there any other?) and that associated with it and my guilty emotions showed the influence it had had on me. Instead, rejoicing in the physical is embracing this life, this reality, the true reality, whereas religion the whole while was so terrified of it it made such simple perspectives forbidden. Unfortunately where I give in most is to sleep and tiredness, entrely unproductive and unprofitable pursuits.
• Life is a dance. Get so caught up in it and you might not fully appreciate it. Spend your time analysing it and you will have avoided the whole point. Nevertheless I’d rather the former rather than latter.
• When you want something to work, you click it, and it doesn’t! It doesn’t! That shattering of “life is perfect”, of “I’m enlightened and perfectly happy”. The denial doesn’t work. What next then, what is the closest to a perfect life or happiness?
• Fear of death? I don’t weep over my discarded fingernails, hair or layers of skin. There never seemed a problem with that. My entire body and consciousness is just a big fingernail to be clipped when the time is right.
• A problem with consciousness is we can fall into it. It’s a mesmerising hole that we find hard to get out. At times, like on the above point, I see myself as a whole, a body which is over 90% non-conscious of itself. So over 90% of my body doesn’t ‘fear’ death; at most it automatically tries escape it by miraculous evolutionary triggers to keep me alive, and what remains is a tiny portion within my skull that finds the matter confusing. Don’t worry, little brain, you’re only a small part of the show.

1. Happiness and Time

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